[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
“Boy next door…” By Taintedvile
~Chapter 1 - Tortured Soul
.
.
You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesn't get your humor like I do
I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin' for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Walkin' the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinking' to myself
Hey isn't this easy?
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standin' by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
(Taylor Swift -You belong with me)
.
.
I woke up today; accepting that the odds of finding my best friend again
were slim to none. It was awkward…
How do you go from spending all your days with someone
from the time you're seven, to not even being able to look them in the eye?
Simple; avoidance was easier than confrontation.
I didn't even know where to begin or what his emotional state was…
.
.
Edward Masen was my next door neighbor. He moved in with his family in the
fall, the year I turned seven. We became fast friends in our small town; our
friendship grew from convenience. He was there to comfort me greatly when my
mother died, when I was ten. Her beautiful life claimed in a car wreck in the mid
of winter. He was there for everything…
Edward and I used to periodically sleep over at the others house; that ended
when we turned eleven. We were punished; merely because we were of the
opposing gender. I managed to convince Charlie into letting me move into my
mothers sewing room after months of his protest. My bedroom window faced
Edward's. We spent a lot of long nights communicating through the glass, being
silly…kids - while our parents slept.
He'd even managed to withstand puberty with me; with my hormones raging and
my depression flaring; angry that my mother wasn't there to guide me. Instead
my father Charlie delivered pamphlets, and a variety of menstruation pads; with
an apology. He couldn't ever fill the void of my mother; but he sure did try…
Edward was the shoulder I cried on; the glue that held my life together when
everything was coming apart at the seams.
We'd shared many dinners at the Masen home since my mothers passing.
Elizabeth; Edward's mother, insisted. Charlie was entirely lost in the kitchen. I'm
sure she saw the smoke signals billowing from our kitchen windows. Charlie could
ruin a frozen pizza….
Edward lost his father to cancer the summer before our junior year in high
school… His parents waited to tell him; when they couldn't hide his illness any
longer. We started drifting apart before his father passed. Edward was staying in
more often… Making the most of what little time they had left; clinging to the life
that remained. I never had the opportunity to really say goodbye to my mother, I
understood. I couldn't even recall if I told my mother I loved her that morning…
I wanted to return the favor; be his rock, as he had been mine. I just didn't know
what to say. He was so broken; lost. It was devastating, I didn't know how to
cope with death; Edward had always been my strength. He did all the coping for
me, while I tried not to think about it. Thinking about it only drove me crazy… I
had my mothers face memorized from photograph, but I couldn't recall her voice
clearly. Everyday I was losing the memories of my mother, little by little…no
matter how hard I tried to hold on. It was easier to ignore it, push forward - even
if only to pretend everything would be okay.
That was the beginning of the end… Edward stopped coming out, started closing
his blinds; crawling deeper into the dark. Eventually he stopped coming down for
dinner, not that he said much on the rare occasion he did decide to join us.
I don't even remember who stopped talking to who. It was a comfortable silence
that grew awkward; we drifted apart. I stopped going to dinner because Charlie
always brought home leftovers…and I didn't have to tell anyone about my day;
nor feel like the third wheel.
School was boring. I'd depended on Edward for so long, that I'd only really had
him…and Alice. Alice was already best friends with Rosalie. I would always come
second. Toward the end of senior year, we were more like acquaintances; Alice
and Rosalie were dating boys… While I stayed home and studied; absentmindedly
watching Edward's window for any signs of life.
.
.
Edward and I had married several times in my backyard over the years;
before what was once my mothers beautiful rose garden.
As the years passed by they withered away
- just like childhood fantasy…
.
.
I hadn't failed to notice Edward transforming from gawky boy into a handsome
man. It kept me perched near my bedroom window… For glimpses of that
deliciously teasing shadow behind closed blinds, before Edward would kill the
lights each night. He never looked out the window anymore; it was as if I failed
to exist any longer. Shifting his gaze away if he'd ever met mine in the halls at
school; pretending he hadn't noticed me. Still; I clung to hope, that I'd look out
and find my best friend again…
That hope diminished when he started dating Tanya. She was popular for all the
wrong reasons. Known for sleeping her way up the social ladder, countless fights;
bitchy tramp. I never expected she would be the type of girl he would go for…
Nor did I expect Edward to be the type she would prey upon, or that he'd ever
allow it. Least the Edward I knew wouldn't… Replace me.
Edward went from well dressed to grungy… He let his hair grow out a little and
even with his worn band t-shirts, stained ripped jeans, and greasy looking hair -
he was still entirely captivating. He'd taken up smoking; which gave me a tiny
view inside his world again. He'd often forget to close the blinds after he'd open
his window. If his mother was home, I could sometimes spot him on the side of
the house; smoking near the trash bins. As much as I wanted to blame Tanya for
all of the changes; I couldn't deny Edward had spiraled downward in his own
time.
Like my mothers memory, I was starting to forget Edward. I couldn't remember
what his smile looked like without digging out photos. Not even Tanya could
make him smile…
I hated myself for letting our friendship slip to the wayside. He always appeared
so angry; I couldn't bring myself to confront him. Too much time had passed; it
was too late.
.
.
Today I realize; I have nothing…
I was just as reclusive as Edward; who the hell was I kidding?
.
.
I cried; tears of sorrow; worthless expression. I never found peace, relief, or
comfort in the countless tears I cried. I begged, pleaded, and prayed…until I grew
tired of crying or simply couldn't cry anymore.
I wiped away the useless tears; replacing my mothers photo back on the table
beside the chair in my room, taking care as I settled the frame. When I'd caught
the light from Edward's window screaming at me from the corner of my eye; my
gaze drifted over to settle on his window…
Edward…Staring out the window with tears in his eyes. When our gaze met, I
watched him snuff out his tears on his sleeve before standing to quickly lower the
blinds on his window. I didn't know if he was watching me; or for how long. I only
knew that his pain mirrored my own…
I taped a note to my window…something I hadn't done since our sophomore year.
That read; call me.
Either Edward never looked out his window again; or simply decided not to call. I
left the note up for three days…
.
.
Waiting; on a call that wouldn't come.
.
.
Final semester started today. I couldn't even remember what classes I picked;
there was a line a block long at the office as most waited for copies of their new
schedules. Why the fuck did I bother getting out of bed today? To think; I
thought going to school would be easier then feigning illness and dealing with
Charlie.
The line moved at a snails pace, the bell rang; my first tardy for the day… Lovely.
By the time I made it to the front of the line to receive my schedule…I wanted the
day to end. Biology first period; with Kudla. He was a prick and I wasn't too fond
of biology. He'd failed me last year…
"Miss. Swan, the next time you're tardy you'll be spending the hour in the dean's
office." Kudla made an example of me, aloud before the class - before directing
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]